How to Drive your Friend Insane

 There are three things you never should talk with your friend:  His shrinking dick size, you screwing his girl and his impending lay off from work.  The third one’s dangerous because any employer knows that you can turn a person into an irrational being when you talk about cutting his health benefits, salary or bonuses.  An impending end of employment contract brings the paranoid in a person.  He might bring out a Swiss knife and in split seconds cut you, you who have been talking about his soon to end work.  So never bring out topics like that. 

That’s the feeling I have now.  As the near end of my work looms, delusions and irrational behavior come out.  Do I get a life after this?  What about applying as a janitor?  I might get turned down again by that madapacking sheet BIR bureaucrat as janitor.  Maybe I can apply as security guard in another town, nobody knows me there.  Huh?  (Visions of burning bush and Crispin and Basilio). 

By some strike of luck,  Rochelle talked to me this afternoon and asked me to tutor his mongoloidal visitor.  Her name’s Nel.  She’s Smigel of the Lord of the Rings incarnated.  Nel’s eyes are so big I can’t figure out where her nose is.  She stares like she gets so fixated to whatever she’s looking at and wants to eat the object whole.  And yes, that’s the fourth thing a person could go crazy – to be tutoring Smigel on PowerPoint and MS Office applications.