The Prince and the Pee

6 02 2007

Impresib sa linis ang Makati.  Ultimo kasuluk-sulukan ng mga underpass eh kinakaskas ng toothbrush ng mga City Service pipol (City Service ang tawag sa maintenance utility sa Makati).  

Okay na din kaso hindi pantog-friendly ang Makati.  Wala ka kasing makikitang urinals within reach (’yung pink na banyo on the side of the streets na pinauso ni Bayani Fernando ng MMDA).  Kung meron mang public urinals, mga isang kilometro ang layo at may bayad pang limang piso.  Tuloy kung minsan kung saan saan na lang ako umiihi.  Pag gabi na pauwi, jumijingle ako sa may ilalim ng Ayala MRT station.  Kabado kasi bawal ’yun pero may thrill din kasi lahat naman ng bawal ay masarap.   

Experience wise, mas liberating pa ang umihi sa kalsada kaysa sa CR sa opisina.  ’Yung ihian namin sa Makati Stock Exchange, katabing katabi lang ng lababo.  Magkatapat na, magkapantay pa.  Any self respecting man would not want to be in a situation washing his face and right beside his ears is someone’s else dick pissing.  Kundi ba naman isa’t kalahating gago ang nagdesign ng CR sa MSE.  They must be conserving space but that’s beyond common sense.  Hindi funny ‘yun in case they are attempting to be humorous.  Humor my ass.  Kung minsan tuloy, tinataon kong maghilamos in an unholy hour para siguradong walang kasabay sa CR.  ‘Pag may nakasabay ka eh health hazard ‘yun.  Mamya naghihilamos ka tapos biglang natusok pa ng etits ang mata mo, mabulag ka pa.  That’s madapacking sheet men.





The Promdi Ass Hole

23 01 2007

Promdi people need some time before we get into the chillax (chill + relax) mode in a new environment.  It took me more than a month before I can finally poo-pooh in our toilet at the Makati stock exchange building.  And not just in any comfort room but I have to go specifically to the fifth floor toilet.  My anus, like any other promdis’ have some criteria to follow before releasing the excess baggage.  For one, the toilet has to be spacious enough to simulate the farm field experience we are accustomed with.  Next, the toilet must also be well-ventilated to prevent us being asphyxiated by our own carbon dioxide.  So far, only the toilet in the fifth floor meets this criteria.  Space is so expensive here in Makati that most toilets are cramped your knee almost touches the toilet door when you go poo-pooh.      

Either promdi ass holes have sixth sense recognizing disturbed souls within 100 meters radius or it has some mind of its own that we can’t control, I don’t know.  Sabi ng lolo ko, nangingilala ang tawag dun.  Judge Pablo Agustin, my criminal law prof in the prabins also validates the same observation.  An orig probinciano as he is, he has to poo-pooh first before travelling to Manila because it takes him some time before he becomes comfortable to poo-pooh in a new place.  Usually, two to three days he says. 

Okay, okay, enough for the kooky toilet humors… 





The Plain View Doctrine: Pag Walang Kita, Walang Ibidins

18 01 2007

Four months from now is the 2007 synchronized senatorial and local elections.  Parang beauty contestants din mga ‘yan.  Magkakaalaman na kung sinong may perfect smile, right packaging ang hinaharap, saka oozing with masa charisma.   

Nagsusulputan ngayon na parang kabute ang mga Comelec chickpoints.  Una, bad trip ka kasi dagdag bottle neck sa traffic.  Pano kung nasa deep concentration ka ng drinking while driving.  Matapon pa ‘yung drink mo, sayang pa.  Pero ang sabi ng batas, up to what extent can this people check the insides of your car?  Sabi ng Korte Suprema, puwede lang inspeksiyunin ang mga bagay bagay na kita ng mata.  Plain view doctrine ang tawag dun.  Ito ang paniniwala ng mga abugado at ng korte mismo to protect the rights of privacy.  Daminingopdis is, hindi sila pwedeng mangalikot ng ari ng iba.  Don’t touch my birdie, ika nga.  Bawal din ang ipabukas ang tsikot me, puwera na lang kung nagpauto ka sa mga pulis at pinaunlakan mong buksan.  ‘Yun, pwede silang mag-usisa ng laman ng iyong sasakyan.  Pero in ever rule, there’s always an exception.  Kahit ayaw mong buksan at may hinala silang may ginawa kang bad, tulad ng pagtatanan ng isang six years old, pwede nilang buksan ang kotse mo. 

In my opinion na hindi naman hinihingi, di ko ma-gets kung bakit di pwedeng ipabukas ang kotse kung ayaw ng may-ari.  Choosing between the right to privacy vs. national security, sa national security na ako.  Bakit hindi na lang hayaan na magkapkap itong mga pulis, tutal ganun din naman ang ginagawa pag pumasok sa mga malls.  Wala namang pinagkaiba ’yun.  Nakakabadtrip oo, ‘yung mga checkpoints because it’s a big inconvenience, but what the heck, mas importante ang mapangalagaan ang buhay ng tao kesa diyan sa priva-privacy na ‘yan.  Kasi kung pwede din naman palang di nila buksan, natural na hindi bubuksan ng may-ari ‘yung kotse.  Pwede silang magtago ng doobie sa ilalim ng passenger’s seat at kung sakaling mahuli man, hindi pa rin makukulong dahil hindi naman ito nahuli sa pamamagitan ng plain view lamang. 





Riding in Cars and Bus

11 01 2007

Suntok din sa buwan ang pakikipagsapalaran ko dito sa Manila.  Baon ang ilang gamit at ang golden rule ni ate Let na dapat ’wag tatanga-tanga sa kalsada’.  Nine months of staying here and I revised the golden rule.  ‘Okay lang tumanga, basta’t meron kang pera’.  In a place like Manila where you had to travel everyday, you need money.  Bibili ka nga lang ng suka, kelangan mo pang mag-jeep.  You may know directions here but without money, you can’t go places.  My intsik beho brother in law who stays in Binondo knows nothing about the places here but he just slaps money to the taxi driver.  “Shangli-lahh!”.  Money does the rest of the talking. 

Sa prabins namin, buhay ka na sa halagang bente pesos sa isang araw.  May pang pancit batil patong ka na, libreng kamote as side dish, at pamasahe pauwi.  Isama mo na ang extrang dalawang piso para maka-text kay BebeKo. 

One third of my day is consumed by going from one place to another like all the rest of Manila pipol are.  Swerte ko na lang siguro dahil sa south express way ako galing which means, traffic only starts in the Mantrade area.  Kung may traffic naman, nagiging hobby ko na ang panoorin ang mga taong nag-aabang ng sakay at mag-fill in the blanks ng conversations ng iba.  Singit ng singit sa usapan ng may usapan.  Kung medyo passive aggressive mode naman ako, nag-de-daydream na lang o kaya mag-dirty finger sa mga kupal na overspeeding drivers. 





Kutis Manila, Kutis Arinola

6 01 2007

Anybody who has gone Manila and went back home to the prabins are told that they have a whiter complexion. (Kala mo naman totoo, binobola ka lang ng mga kamag-anak mong yan.  Mangungutang ’yan.  Ha ha!)   I don’t know where on madapacking sheet this urban tsismis came from.  Siguro ‘yung chlorine sa tubig ng Maynilad, o ‘yung palagiang pagpapalamig sa mga mall. 

Nakakaputi rin talaga sa Manila lalo na ’yung mga nakatira sa ilalim ng tulay saka estero.  Sa init ba naman ng temperature under the bridge, at ang mga noxious chemicals sa estero, e talo mo pa gumamit ng pinakamalakas na astringent para magbakbak ang balat mo at pumuti.  At ang traffic, men mamumuti ang mata mo sa pag-usad along EDSA.  Usong uso din dito sa Maynila ang mga facial spa saka dermabrasion churba.  Kung anu-anong pinaghalu-halung ingredients na parang putik (galing lang naman ’yun sa estero sa Tondo saka Pasay), tapos sasabihing mud spa.  Ilang oras na mababanat ang pagmumukha at unti-unting magka-crack ang old skin to reveal a newer one, parang molting stage ng mga anaconda.  ‘Yung dermabrasion,  para din lang silang gumagamit ng microscopic knives na pangtapyas sa mga old skin cells.  Kung nagtitipid ka, maraming papel de liha sa Handyman o Ace hardware, pwede mong ikaskas sa skin mo ng dahan dahan.





Dispelling 10 Myths About Manila People

4 01 2007

1.  They live in the fast lane.Not true.  Manila people are waiters.  Either they are waiting in line to the nearest food chain, to the CR, bus terminal, or MRT.  While waiting, they become reflective of their psychological and spiritual side.  They think of things like “Ano kaya pagkain pag-uwi?”, “Magkano nang pot money sa 6/45 lotto?”, “Sinong mas sexy kina Katrina Halili saka A. Locsin?”  One third of their lives are spent in traffic jams which make them pensive people. 

2.  They are mall rats.Not true.  One, they are not rats.  Two, they go to the malls not to go on a binging spree or spend until their credit cards get maxed out.   They don’t even spend. They are there to chillax (chill + relax).  The temperature is mercurial in the city and the best place to stay is in the malls. 

3.  They have low regard to the older generation.Not true.  One bus driver demonstrated me how to respect the elderly.  We’re on the busy streets of Ayala Avenue and an old lady had to alight from the bus.  So the driver slowed down in front of a waiting shed facing Rustan’s, amidst the impatient drivers behind him shouting him to move forward.  He didn’t budge until he’s assured the old lady had safely got off.  That was a simple gesture of love, yet a life changing experience for me.  The bus driver just sent my ass to re-evaluate my values. 

4.  Chivalry is dead.Not true.  On busy hours, I still see men offering their seat to the elderly.  They don’t do it to the ladies because the ladies want equal footing.  Ladies say something about girl power, so the gentlemen are giving what the ladies want.   Besides men are becoming cautious the ladies might think they are hitting on them.  Better safe than sorry.  If you see men pretending to be asleep just so they won’t offer a seat to the ladies, it’s for good reason.  So that women won’t jump into a conclusion of any malice intent.    5.  They don’t know bayanihan spirit is.Not true.  When you ride a jeepney, chances are, you are at the farthest end from the driver.  You just say “Bayad po”, and somebody extends a hand to give your fare to the driver.  If the jeepney is full, they pass your fare bucket style.   

6.  They are dishonest.Not true.  In jeepney, nobody checks if they already paid their fare.  They pay because they believe in paying the worth of the service they are receiving.  7.  They are territorial.Not true.  They are happy, easy going people.  They love socializing and being around with people.  In MRT, it’s always jampacked and they like huddling together (like they have a choice, Ha! Ha!).  They consider everybody as part of their one big happy family. 

8.  They get kicks out of duping others.Not true.  You ask a direction and they would be very glad to answer.  If  they don’t know, they say so.  Even if you don’t ask them and they overhear you asking, they would butt in to give you landmarks and additional details.    9.  They are too busy to help.Not true.  See those Red Cross volunteers holding cans in MRT and others scattered in tollways?  .  They take time to help the undernourished and helpless.  They take the courage to ask for the small coins you have in your pocket so that others may live. 

10.  They have a strong desire for attention.True.  They go to the province holding mineral bottle like there’s some shortage of water.  They give you the “I have a mineral water and I am rich” look.  The mineral bottle is their status symbol other than their cellphones.  So that when the promdis see them, the promdis would gaze in awe and wonder what’s inside the crystal clear container.  Even if the bottle is already empty, they still hold them until others get annoyed to them.  They brandish the bottle as if saying “O we’re from Manila and we don’t drink tap water”.   Okay, okay, I’m kidding (Ha!  Ha!)





10 Reasons Why I Use WordPress

2 01 2007

1. The alternative which is blogspot.com sounds like the god of the menstrual period to me.  Sobrang likot ng brain cells ko I am visualizing panty  red spots.  “Nagka-blogspot ka na?”.  “Ah oo, last month pa”.  Sounds to me like an ‘girl thing’ conversation.  Okay, okay, I did try blogspot once but that’s just once, and that was when I was a struggling law student pa lang..

2. The interface is user friendly.  Everything is intuitive, para ka lang nagmamasturbate, you don’t need too much focus and concentration.  It doesn’t require much of a brain effort.

3. Malupet ang navigation style.  Plus the ajax-based controls are seamless.  Teka, ajax-based nga ba ‘yon? Pag nagde-delete ka ng categories, nagfa-fade away na slow motion ala Dwayne Wade.  Swabe din ang movement pag nag-a-add ka ng controls.  May chuba ek eks na epeks.

4. Hindi naba-block ng WebSense as blog site in the workplace.  I guess, this owes to the fact that majority of quality technology blogs are wordpressed, so it’s no good filtering the site at all by our network admin.

5. The number of users are increasing by leaps and bounds.  More opportunities to share ideas to the world.  Saka dito din kasi nagba-blog ’yung idol kong si nicanor david.

6. The best things in life are free.  Andaming blog sites na nagsusulputang free and by few months, biglang sasabihin na kelangan mong magbayad for their blog hosting services like blog-city.  Nakngtinapa di ka na nga binabayaran sa mga blogging ek ek mo, pagbabayarin ka pa.  Watdapacka. 

7. Easy to upgrade.  If you want premium services sa wordpress, you just upgrade your blog and get a premium url also.  Sa mga tulad kong Ilocano, okay na ‘yung nakakapag-blog ako na di kelangang magbayad.  Pag may extra cash, siguro I’ll pay the premium services for 800 pesoses a year.  By now, sayang muna, ilang pancit canton din mabibili ko dun.

8. Promiscuous.  You can have as many blogsites as you want using one account.  I am currently maintaining badoodles and my technology blog site in the same account.  Dalawa akin legal wife and that’s double the fun.

9. Secure.  One of the features is users cannot add comments to your blogs without logging in as valid user first.  This reduces spam incidents and increases user responsibility in giving comments.

10. The whole package itself is impresib.  SSS.  Sleek, sexy and simple.  Hindi high maintenance.  Madaling mahalin. 








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